Friday, January 09, 2009

A funny thing happened on the way to the email box...

from: john mathew
date Fri, Dec 5, 2008 at 8:27 PM

Hello my Dear,

You may find it so difficult to remember me. Though, it has indeed been, a very long time. Personally, I am so delighted and privileged to contact you once again after all these years. It takes fate, courage and the fear of God to remember old friends and at the sametime, to show gratification to them, irrespective of the circumstances that made things work contrary to our expectations.

"Dear"? and since when does it take "the fear of god" to remember old friends?

I sieze this liberty to inform you that, the transaction we were pursing together finally worked out and I decided to contact you, for the reason of informing you on the success of the just ended transaction. You are advised to stop any further communication with your local representative(s), agent(s), official(s), or department whom may call you or email you concerning the cheque draft with the sum of $800, 000,00,us dollar (USD). I introduce you to Mathew Paul, You are advise not to accept any fax or telephone call(s) that does not come from him (Mathew Paul).

Since this mystery man does not have my telephone or fax number, I look forward to seeing how he pulls that trick out of his butt!

He is our best man on the job and He alone did I leave specific instructions on how to deliver the cheque to you. You may want to call him immediately for more information as regard the instruction I left him on your account,

It is only proper that I compencate you for all your effort and pains taking through out the entire period. I have a conscience as a human beign,and with due consideration to your tremendious effort and contribution to make things work out,please do accept my goodwill.

"Compencate" me? Oh, it was nothing - really! We human "beigns" must stick together!

Meanwhile,I must inform you that,I am presently in Paraguay for numerous business negotiations and establishments.I just arrived yesterday night, checked into a hotel and decided to go down the hotel lobby, to the cyber cafe section to drop this piece of note you.

Well ain't that convenient. No chance to contact you directly eh?

Now, from a heart full of honesty and deligence, I have raised and signed an International Cashier's Bank Draft, to the tune of $800,000.00 US DOLLAR ( EIGHT HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS)in your name as compensation to your dedication, humanity and contribution, and most of all for your noble trust in me, I must say it is one of a kind.

Please, do contact him now, my confidential secretary, He is in the person of
Mathew Paul Ifesinachi ( Secretary) with email address -:
You are to forward to him, the following

1.Your names in full,
2.Your day time phone number,
3.Residential address,
4.Number of the members of your family and,
5.Next of kin (NOK).

Um... wait a moment. Is this money for my funeral?

He, will advise you further about the shipment of the ICBD to your residential or office address, such as you must have afore provided.
Please note that the ICBD has a validity period of 21 banking days. So, the earlier your response the better for both of us. You have to be cautious of the route shipment days to avoid unendung stories.
Sincerely Yours,
Your one time business partner.

Yeah, right. And I've got land on the moon I'll sell you.

Oddly enough, the above text squeaked by GMail's usually smart filtering of such nonsense.

Instead of replying, I forwarded his email to the Google phishing department, and signed him up for all sorts of random porn email. That's my way to 'compencate' him for all his worthless efforts. Hopefully no-one falls for this kind of stupidity.